CREATING THE GREATEST RELATIONSHIP:
Love is the most powerful positive emotion of the human heart. Like water and air, every single person alive needs love, and many of us crave it. Me? I want a wild, crazy, fearless, and fanatical love that will last for a lifetime.
We all want someone whom we can fall in love with and stay in love with forever but creating “the perfect relationship” takes work. Love requires effort. If your relationship is profoundly important to you, you will view it as more important than anything else in your world: your career, your family, your hobbies, simply everything. Love to me, is like the air I breathe, the songs I sing, and the flowers I can see, smell, and touch.
When you begin a new relationship and your heart is tempted to fall in love, consciously or subconsciously, you test your partner to see if they are worthy of your love and trust.
The Testing Phase
In the early phases of a new relationship, it is both normal and necessary to test the other person’s motives, words, and actions. “Can I trust you?” is the question we repeatedly ask ourselves. Trust is not given easily or freely. Trust is earned in many little pieces over time.
Trusting someone with your heart is like a tug a war. We test them, they pass. We test them again, they pass again. We repeatedly test them, until we feel we can trust our new partner. At that time, we deem them as “safe” to give both our heart and love to.
Love vs Fear
During the testing stage, it is common that your greatest fears are typically crouching at the door and eventually they are exposed. Whether you recognize it or not, the test of every new relationship is the test of your greatest fears versus your greatest love.
Your level of fear is directly proportional to how much pain you have experienced from past relationships and the level of personal healing that has occurred. If you have experienced a lot of pain with little healing, your fears could be substantial. If you have experienced a lot of pain, but have also had a lot of healing, your fears will be nominal.
Fear is like that monster hiding in your closet or under your bed. It is always lurking in the shadows and it comes to haunt you at inopportune times. Typically, in a new relationship, our greatest fear is getting hurt, being betrayed, or getting our heart broken. Your greatest fear is typically associated with a traumatic event from your past that has yet to be healed.
A broken heart is one of greatest pains that any human can endure, sometimes even greater than physical pain. When you enter a new relationship, you are wise to protect your heart from someone who might be unfaithful, or who could have evil and cruel intentions. This is why the scripture says to "guard your heart." Proverbs 4:23
Understanding that Fear is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
This is how fear operates. Your mind or heart creates a fear based upon your unhealed pain, then you imagine the other person hurting you in the same way. When this happens, you begin to accuse them of things which may or may be true or untrue.
Fear is a powerful motivator. When fear arises in your relationship, it subtly takes over you mind and leaks into your words which often comes in the form of statements or accusations toward your partner. Fear focuses on the negative, the past, and your unhealed pain. If you are not careful, your fears can take over your mind and heart and ultimately destroy your new relationship. What you imagine becoming true, becomes true, because instead of focusing on love and healing, you focused on pain and fear. This is why I strongly suggest that you take captive any negative fearful thought and replace it with optimistic, and kind thoughts of love.
Karma is the reality that you reap what you sow. If you speak words of fear, you get more fear. If you speak words of love, you get more love. If you speak accusations of being cheated on, you might be cheated upon, not because your partner is a cheater, but because you accused them of being a cheater and therefore, they cheated. I know that sounds strange, but your future is created either by your fears or by your love. Therefore, it is crucial to stay positive, optimistic and focus on good outcomes. If you speak words of faithfulness, typically you will get a faithful partner. Your future belongs to your thoughts and words. Therefore, be bold. You reap what you sow. Understanding this reality enables a wise person to alter their own thoughts, attitudes, words, and actions so that they can attract the amazing love they desire.
How then can you overcome your fears when they arise? Instead of having negative self-talk or making accusations, talk with your partner. Tell them what you are afraid of and why. If your partner’s love is sincere, they will patiently disassemble your fears. When love is genuine it acts like a heart surgeon. Love delicately operates on the places that hurt. Love meticulously and methodically subdues your fears and quiets them. Love calms your suspicions and causes them to subside.
Ultimately, perfect love assures and reassures you that you are completely safe. Love listens. Love hugs. Love kisses. Love heals. Love endures. Love remains and love patiently waits. When you love someone, you assure them that they are your everything.
Perfect love tells no lies and has no ulterior or deceitful motives. When love is true, it is also completely honest, and sincere. Perfect love is pure and pure love is what mends our pains, calms our fears, and puts our mind and heart to rest. This is what is meant by the phrase, “perfect love casts out fear.” When your love toward your partner is perfect, your love mends all the little broken pieces of their heart and makes them again.
Love restores their faith. Love gives them hope. Love also inspires tremendous courage. Love becomes their happiness and their very reason for living. Love creates a unique and powerful bond between you and your partner that creates everlasting joy and sustains your relationship forever. This how you create the greatest relationship: with perfect love.