The 7 Keys to Building a "Forever Love"
Forever. It’s the kind of love that many people dream of and so few seem to find. A forever kind of love is very possible to discover as long as you follow these few guidelines. You Get What You Think You Deserve An unspoken principle that guides all of life but especially our relationships is this truth: you get what you think you deserve. Often times couples tend settle down too soon in a relationship that isn’t right - it's not everything they have ever wanted. Granted, there are no perfect relationships, but some relationships are far better than others. People tend to do this because they are either afraid of being alone or they think it’s all they deserve. Other times they violate one of the principles I’ve outlined below and they end up in a wrong relationship only to discover it just a short time into the relationship. If you follow the guidelines I am outlining in this article, your chances for building a forever kind of love will be greatly improved. Be Brave Your heart needs to be healed before you enter your next relationship. If your heart is still broken from a past relationship, you will be afraid to love whole-heatedly and that fear will slowly dismantle your relationship. You can’t fear getting your heart broken again. Fear is a self fulfilling prophecy: your biggest fears will overtake you if you don’t face and conquer them first. Therefore, find healing and overcome your fears. Once you have spent time healing, then you will have the courage to love another with everything you’ve got. Sometimes, if your new love is wise, they can help you overcome your fears and help you to be courageous in loving them. In my opinion, the greatest gift on earth is courageous, wholehearted, love shared heart to heart.
Go Slow I have just alluded to this, but I can’t overemphasize it enough. Most the time people get into the wrong relationship because they don’t move slowly, wisely and with caution. Everybody wears masks, and when you are first getting to know someone they are always putting on their best mask and hiding skeletons. If you take your time in the relationship by moving slowly, you will uncover things sooner than later, which could save you from making a bad decision in the long run. Remember, if you are seriously interested in this person as a partner, you will have the rest of your lives together so don’t rush things. Develop the self control and discipline to move slowly in your relationship and you will get to know them from the inside first. Remember: go slooooooow. Discover their Dreams The most exceptional thing you can do for someone that you are dating, is to spend extensive time exploring their personal dreams and ambitions in life. I’ve often said, if you love someone, you want to help them discover and live their dreams. This is the nature of true love. When you make your life’s ambition to help your partner live his or her dreams, how can they not fall head over heels in love with you? When was the last time someone showed up on your doorstep and said, “I am here for you. My life is yours if you want it. My dream is to help you live your dreams?” If you ever find someone who shows up in your life demonstrating this attitude, snag them, and take them home forever. You just found your goldmine.
Encourage, Encourage, Encourage The last thing you want to do in any relationship, but especially a new one, is criticize. In fact, as I have written in another post, the Biblical pattern is that we should encourage people five times more than we offer a constructive criticism. I don’t know anybody who doesn’t love and respond well to encouragement. Discover several the things that you admire about your new partner and make a list. Then, on a date night, pull our your list and tell him or her all the things that you love and admire about them. This will not only make their day, but their month. Make it your ambition to say kind and encouraging words on a daily basis. Focus on the good. This takes practice and intentional effort. Encourage and praise them often and your relationship will soar. Spend Time Exploring Their Heart The next principle I’d like to offer for new relationships is this: spend time exploring their heart first. As I have already mentioned, chemistry is very important, but we have a tendency to place too much emphasis upon it. It's easy to have instant chemistry with dozens of people because they are physically attractive, but the best kind of chemistry in the world, is heart chemistry. It’s also the far more rare type of chemistry. Therefore I say, use discernment. Put the reigns on your lips and kisses at first. Invest your time exploring the recesses of their heart. If you’re a man and you do this for a woman, it will entice her beyond your wildest imagination. Most women want a man who is after their heart first and foremost, and if you can master this discipline, you might discover that you have won the grand prize in the lottery. Whatever you do, never ever stop exploring your mates heart. Every day, make your highest priority to win her heart, first and always, and you will understand what it means to build a “forever kind of love.”
Best Friends First Best friends aren’t created overnight. As you know, they take time. Often times a couple in a new relationship has a tendency to fall in love too soon, too fast, and this damages the friendship. They do this because they might be a hopeful romantic and they allow their heart to jump into the relationship headlong. Chemistry often plays an important role in this, and the stronger the chemistry, the harder it is to control your heart. However, no forever love was built upon chemistry alone. A wise person understands that lifelong loves invest the necessary time to become best friends without allowing physical chemistry to interfere with their decisions. Let’s face it, amazing chemistry and phenomenal sex is what most people want in a relationship, but these two alone can not sustain a forever love. Possibly unknowingly, what most of us genuinely crave is our best friend.
Building trust is a critical factor in this step. Under no circumstances should you lie to your new potential partner. I always say, “Instead of telling me a pretty lie, I'd rather hear the ugly truth.” Most people can handle the truth and respect honesty, so whatever you do, don’t lie. Always be honest. It builds trust.